A need is an illusionary state of being where you come out and announce to the universe that you are incomplete, and proceed to bounce around life looking to fill this need.
For example, I need your love (because I don’t have love). I need the security of money (because I am insecure). I need your praise and accolades (because I am worthless).
You may attract someone that will satisfy your needs. And you will call this a happy relationship. That is, it will be happy only if you properly satisfy your partner’s needs.
This is how you get trapped in a codependent relationship. Your need gets satisfied, but now it’s time to reciprocate. How many of us participate in this. I depend on you to satisfy my needs. And you depend on me to satisfy mine.
A state of need is a closed system. It takes – it never gives. It keeps you together forever – chained in your mutual neediness. Unless one of you realizes that you never were worthless in the first place and breaks the chains.
Example. You know this story. What happens when a woman who has been overweight and dependent on her partner’s praise for years – suddenly gets in shape and restores her worthiness. A break up will follow if the relationship was built on a need-for-need exchange. This isn’t love.
Needs are tricky sticky traps which create your own prison cells. Open them up, one by one. Free yourself of your neediness. Let the gates fall. And step out – once and for all. You will find other ways to be. No needs. No tricks. Just you and me. Free.