Am I capable of sharing in the joy of another –

With full and complete abandonment of comparison. In full submersion of another’s high. Or is something squeezing my stomach. Is there some shadow. Saying, I wish that were me. I wish that person weren’t leaving me. In my self pity.

So then, I will let go. Let go of resentment of not being loved. Let go of my expectation of unconditional support. And I will find my own spring of love. My own unfailing support. My own friendship. When I’m high. And when I’m low.

I will stop teeter-tottering between resentment and expectation, finding a little bit of room. A little bit of space. More than that. Freedom. Rest. From trying to explain – why am I – not supported. Why am I – not loved. And turn inward.

Setting myself free. From holding on to what others think. Say and do. Give or take. Love and hate. I will stop teeter-tottering in between the why’s. I will stop. I will expand. I will find a little bit of room and space. I will find peace and rest. In my own unique happiness.

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